Cyndi and her parents attended the wedding of a relative this summer. The pastor gave a wedding meditation. He spoke of his joy in meeting the couple and working with them to prepare for the marriage. Then he said to the groom that he had a secret he felt compelled to share about the bride. He built up the story and finally let out the secret. He said to the groom, “ I want you to know that... Everyone waited in suspense. What was this secret? “I want you to know that . . . the bride is not perfect!”
He then turned to the bride. He had a secret he wanted to share with the bride about the groom. A secret that romantic love overlooked and might not even believe was possible, but it was true. It was the same secret! The groom was not perfect.
There are very few husbands or wives who would disagree with the statement that their husband or wife is not perfect. Few of us have ever met a perfect person – and that includes ourselves.
The closer our relationship becomes with another person, the more we see the other persons imperfections. If we are a reflective person we soon begin to see our own imperfections. After Cyndi and I got married my image of myself was shattered. I discovered I was not nearly as easy to get along with as I had thought. Up until our marriage, I truly thought I was the easiest guy in the world to live along with.
You may be saying to yourself, “Big deal! I already knew this stuff. Common sense tells us that few people are perfect.”
Here is the twist. Although we intellectually know that people are not perfect, we do not enter into relationships from that perspective. Listen carefully to someone – it may be yourself – as they tell you about their new job. Often a new job brings glowing reports about a wonderful boss, great peers, etc. etc. etc. Then frequently – not all the time -- disillusionment sets in. There are hurts, misunderstandings, unfulfilled expectations, a nasty side or a wish-washy side to the boss. Pretty soon, joy is replaced with unhappiness, anger and the desire for new job.
When people ask about our church, one of the first things I say is we are not perfect. We have problems. Not everyone has life totally together. Actually, I might even point out that the pastor is far from perfect – there are times when he does not have answers, lacks courage, gets discouraged, acts too soon or not soon enough. The reply I get every time is, “We know that. No church is perfect. We are not perfect.” But in spite of intellectual assent, the imperfections begin to take their toll. The wonderful church and pastor become not quite so wonderful.
The same applies to small groups or the people we work with on a project. At first everyone is tremendous then… there are some people we wonder about. Sometimes we may end up believing we are the only committed person in the whole group.
The Apostle Paul was very much aware of the imperfections of people – especially people in the church. To say we know imperfections exist does little to solve the hurt, the anger, and the problems that occur when we experience the imperfections of others. As individuals and as believers we need a strategy. We need a strategy for our work place, a strategy for our home, and a strategy for our church.
Paul provides a strategy. The church is intended to be a community of people who work together to do what God has called us to do. We need a strategy to be able to accomplish this. As we look at this passage in Ephesians, we see are three components:
What is the strategy we need to deal with our imperfections so we can live in community, have a workable structure and function in a healthy way?
The strategy is practical love that results in unity. It is a love which enables us to overcome one another’s imperfections and experience the unity for which Christ died.
The first part of the strategy is to remember who you are. Paul says, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. God through his Holy Spirit has called you to be a part to his special people.” Jesus died, we read in chapter two, to break down the barriers that exist between people so that we can all belong to the family of God. God has opened his arms to us. He has invited us into his living room as members of his family. The last thing he wants is a bunch of squabbling children.
How do I live worthy of the calling? “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)
Here is the crunch. Be completely humble. We know we are not perfect but we are convinced that we are not the problem. It is the other person. I can’t count the number of times a person will admit they are not perfect. This is followed quickly by a “but.” Behind the “but” there is the assumption that “Even though I am not perfect, the problem is not me. It is the other person (or persons).” Seldom are we willing to admit that the way we see a problem or how we act or react may be a big and significant part of the problem.
If we are completely humble we can step back and begin to examine our expectations, our own demands, our own limitations, our reactions. Then we can take the words of Jesus seriously. Remember what he said in Matt. 7: 3-5, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
An indication of humbleness is a willingness to admit specific faults or failures in a situation and see these faults as a significant part of the problem. Humbleness enables you to se see the problem from the other person’s perspective and appreciate the other’s point of view. This kind of humility allows you to move to the next part of the strategy for dealing with imperfect people.
The humble person – the person who is aware of his or her own imperfections— will find it easy to be gentle and patient. I would suggest it is impossible to be completely humble and at the same time be harsh and impatient with the failure of another person.
Humility which leads to gentleness and patience finds it motivation in love. We are to bear with one another in love. The apostle Peter wrote: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)” This is not a new idea. It finds expression in the Old Testaemnt. as well. Proverbs 10:12: Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 17:9: He who covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
Do you have situations in your life where you need to apply love? Ask yourself if you are promoting love with your actions and your words or are you promoting dissention and separation? Think about some of the words you have spoken this week. Would you enjoy seeing them headlined in the Whig Standard?
Instead of destroying community, Paul urges us to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
In these verses Paul is speaking to our will. He is reminding us that we have choices to make. The choices God wants you to make are decisions that promote harmony. But there is another dimension to the problem. Our will is defective. We know patience is the correct response but impatience, fuelled by irritation and anger, is controlling us. “Gentleness? Well, forget that! I will give them a piece of my mind.” And on and on, our story goes.
The solution has two parts. The first is repentance and seeking forgiveness – which takes us back to being completely humble. The humble person will acknowledge where they have failed and seek to correct the problem.
The second part is to know the power of God’s love in our lives. In chapter 6: 10 Paul writes: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.”
An important question to ask is “Am I strong in the Lord and in his mighty power?” If I am not, what are the issues?
Strong community flows out of people who are strong in the Lord. Strong community provides a healthy environment for leadership to function. Much can be said about verses 7-11. What I want to point out is that God intended his church to have structure and leaders. In fact, leaders are Christ’s gift to the church. They have been given a task to perform. It is a task that has measurable output. What is the output? Look to verses 11-12. “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists and some to be pastors and teachers to prepare God’s people for works of service so that the body of Christ may be built up…” What is the output? People who are equipped for works of service, for doing ministry.
As you look at how these 16 verses unfold, you will see something interesting. God calls his children to get along with one another, to love one another and to live in harmonious community. Strong community provides a healthy environment for leadership to function. Leadership equips people for works of service and through equipping and works of service enables the community to become a community of mature believers who become more Christ like in their behaviour and attitudes. Paul uses the analogy of a growing physical body. Verse 16 reads: “From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”
Our accessible building addition represents an example of what Paul is talking about Ephesians 4:1-16. A supportive, patient community enabled the work to go ahead. The support of the community allowed leadership to function. They made lots of decisions. Not everyone agreed with all the decisions but even when there was disagreement or mistakes made, they continued to experience your patience and love. The result of this willingness to lead and your willingness to be a supportive community “doing works of service” allowed us to pull together to accomplish an amazing task.
What do you think would have happened if we had no patience with one another and no agreement as to what we wanted to do? There would be few people who would be willing to lead under such circumstances. Those who did indicate willingness would probably resign before the project was completed. The essence of “Together We Build” would be lost.
Exciting days exist for this congregation as we transition from an emphasis on the physical building back to the task of doing spiritual building. We have been called to continue the work of Jesus in our world – the work of proclaiming the gospel, teaching, healing and ministering to the needs of those around us. Just as we worked together to make our facilities accessible so we need to continue working together to make the good news of Jesus accessible to those around us.
I have a secret I want to share . . . We are not perfect! But we are called to build a community of love and to do it with imperfect people. When imperfect people learn to build community and work together, they move toward the perfection of Christ. What a challenge and what opportunity we have as imperfect people. We are called to get in line with God and be part of the fulfilment of HIS intention for the church.
Just what is HIS intention? His intent is that “now, through the church, the incredible wisdom of God should be made known…” AMEN!